Many people who find out they’re HSV+ feel like their dating and/or sex life is over. This initial reaction is common, yet exceedingly inaccurate. It’s not a grounded belief. It’s pure emotion speaking, generated from the experience of shock—nothing more. Feelings have a way of making people crazy at times, as we all know. However, this doesn’t mean that they’re correct, as we all know as well.
Once education on HSV is provided, it becomes much easier to calm down and accept the reality of the situation. The reality of the situation is simply this: you have a virus. The virus is mostly harmless. It’s certainly not life threatening. And most of the time, it produces no symptoms. On top of that, the majority of society also has the exact same virus. There are more HSV+ people than there are HSV-. So… why is someone’s love life over again? It’s not. Case closed.
Here, we’re going to post real testimonials by real people who have successfully dated (and tied the knot), or who are successfully dating with HSV. Obviously, since most of the population has it, people are generally doing just fine. However, this page will be dedicated to people who are HSV+, aware of their status, and have taken the time to write something about their situation on an online message board or Website. For anyone who requires more than numbers and facts to feel good, it is our wish that this section provides hope where it is needed. And, as stated in the previous section, new testimonies will be added here regularly as well.
If you’d like to share your dating or relationship success story on here, please send us an email at hsvblog@live.com. The inspiration you provide will be greatly appreciated by anyone who needs it.
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This Valentine’s day will be my two year anniversary of getting H.
When I found out, I thought my world was over. I never thought I would find happiness ever again. I went through a deep depression. I slept all the time, just so I didn’t think. I literally wanted to die. I never thought anyone would ever love me again.
About a year later, I went through a “****ty phase”. I figured out that some guys would have sex with me with condoms… and I just started to see sex as no longer an emotional thing. I had never had one night stands before. I cut all romantic feelings from sex. It wasn’t until one night, when in the middle of having sex I started crying, that I realized what I was doing to myself. I had degraded myself and who I was.
This summer, I meet his guy. I feel for him hard, but I pushed him away because I didin’t want to tell him. I thought that he would surely leave because he was sucessful, and smart, and gorgeous… and I knew he would never take me. He kept telling me not to be scared and he kept trying to get me to be serious with him and I kept pushing him away. Finally I realized what I was doing to him and I told him. He kissed me and told me that that would not make him stop liking me, that it was a small price to pay to be with me… and he was willing to take the chance.
We are now married. He is still negative, and we don’t use condoms when I’m not on an outbreak. We are very happy, and he is amazing. 2 years ago I remember saying, “No one will ever love me with this”…… if I wouldn’t have had this.. I wouldn’t have been so picky…. It made me turn away guys that weren’t good sooner…. it made me only get close to someone if I was head over heels for him.. and because I was patient… I found true love…. and regardless of what you think now…. true love prevails…. even over herpes.
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I’ve spent the past year being super picky about who I would date knowing that I would have to confess that I get occasional cold sores. Well, I’ve met a wonderful guy and we’ve had the “talk” and I was completely surprised by his lack of a reaction. It seemed like he didn’t understand why I was even disclosing this to him. I even said, “that’s it?” and he goes “well, how did you think I would react”?
Once I confessed that he was the first person I had ever told he seemed to understand where I was coming from and he thanked me for telling him and acknowledged how uncomfortable it must have been for me. In any case, he was completely fine with this and I think telling him may have brought us closer.
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I finally had the “Talk” Last night and wanted to encourage everyone I can. First of all , it went very well. I met this woman about a month ago, we knew each other when we were teens, but surely not relevant. That was 30 years ago .We dated 3 times since then and last night I had the “TALK”. First I’d like to say that the anxiety I faced prior too… Was all a waste of energy and sleepless nights. We know what can happen when we do that. I wish now I would have had it before in the past but always found excuses not to, Another waste of precious time. I feel that the way to have the Talk is the way they explain it here on this site. It is mostly effortless and simple. But have your facts together because they ask questions and you want to be confident and prepared to answer them. IT WORKED OUT GREAT.
And now moving forward with a meaningful relationship.
BOTTOM LINE ….. Don’t be afraid ,especially the newbies , the youth here have many years ahead don’t give up and don’t be afraid ,if it don’t work out ,move on and keep looking don’t hull-up and isolate…. I’m proof that it can and will happen. And it finally did.. Thank you for your support that I received here. Its worth a lifetime… Im still going to hang around here. But for now I’m taking a ride on Cloud 9…….. GOOD LUCK AND KEEP TRYING
She never batted an eye, Just a few questions and answers . What seemed so hard too do , was the easiest thing I could have ever imagined. The weight was gone…
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How did I know I could trust the person I told? I had a feeling about the guy I was going to start dating. He seemed really upfront and valued honesty. He is in law enforcement and is very moral. I got all of this from a guy I was talking to online that I had met on a dating website. I did not know if he had HSV or not when I met him, the website was a regular free dating website. I told him on the second date because he was easy to talk to, and I just felt like he could handle knowing and I knew I wanted it to go somewhere. Now it’s 11 months later and we’re getting married this June! I’m 28 and he’s 30 years old, we’re both at the point where we were ready to settle down. HSV made our relationship more serious right off the bat, he had to think if he could see himself with me forever, and he could. HSV doesn’t make every relationship more long term or serious but it did for us and it worked out well. I found my match and genital herpes did not ruin it.
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I was diagnosed with genital herpes on December 22, 2010. I was distraught with this diagnosis. The last thing I ever imagined myself getting was an STD. I’m 19, and have only been with my current boyfriend. We have been together for over 3 years and we have only had sex with each other. When I went to the doctor she said that she was 95% sure that it was herpes. I was in complete denial, I didn’t know anything about herpes and I had a panic attack while the doctor was examining me. I almost passed out, I was a complete wreck. The doctor was like well it looks like you have it, you will always have it. While I was waiting for the test results, I stayed at my Mother’s because I thought my boyfriend and I needed a little time apart, when I woke up on Christmas morning my stomach was absolutly killing me. I knew it wasn’t time for my period since I’m on birth control but I felt like thats what it was. When I went to the bathroom I sat there and blood began to pour out of me, I screamed for my Mom and while she was coming to me it happened. I had a miscarriage. I didn’t believe that’s what it was, I mean how could I be pregnant while using birth control and condoms? I looked at pictures on the internet and that’s exactly what it looked like. I was shocked to say the least. On the 28th the results of the blood and culture were in and they both came back positive. I felt like I died inside when she gave me my results over the phone. She couldn’t even tell me what type it was, even though I was almost positive it was type 1. I called my boyfriend and told him the results and he just bursted out crying. While I was drving home, I just felt like wrecking and killing myself because the thought of losing him was making my heart feel like it was breaking in my chest. When I got home, I sat in the driveway for a few minutes before I walked in the house. My mind was spinning, and I have never been so scared. When I walked in the house my boyfriend was waiting for me on the couch. As soon as I sat down I started crying hysterically, he accused me of cheating when I knew I had never been unfaithful to him. I just sat there, all I could say is ” I have no idea how I could have gotten this”. He said that didn’t make any sense, and I knew it didn’t. When I finally stopped crying I told him that I didn’t care if I had this, or how I got it or even if we could never have sex again, all I wanted and needed was him to be by my side. My family was much less than supportive, they told me just to deal with it, it was my fault. With my whole family thinking I was just a nasty person, the last thing I wanted was to just be left alone. My boyfriend and I sat there and talked for a while and he told me that no matter what he would not leave me because of this. I was relieved to say the least, but I was still worried he would change his mind. A few days later I told him about the miscarriage, he is very sensitive about the thought of an unborn baby as am I, and I didn’t want to upset him more than I already had. He was very upset, while we were talking about it, we remembered one time when we didn’t use a condom about a month or so before this all started, and we decided that, that muct have been the time when I got pregnant.
A few days later I woke up and looked at him. He had a small bump on his lip. I woke him up and asked him if he ever had a coldsore. He was like yeah, but I haven’t had one in 4 or 5 years. It instantly clicked in my head, that’s it! It turns out he has had coldsores all of his life. I never even knew! I told him that I know I got it from him now, but he still doesn’t want to believe that he could have given me something like this. I told him I didn’t care, but he still doesn’t believe it. I still don’t know whether I have type 1 or 2, because the first doctor I went to wouldn’t even take the time and talk to me about it. So I’m going to a new doctor now, who seems to know much more about herpes than my previous one, she also believes that I have type 1 and that, that is how I got it.
It has been a few weeks since I was diagnosed with herpes, and it has changed nothing about me. I’m still the same person I have always been. The last few months have been extremly hard in my relationship, my boyfriend and I had been drifting apart, we were both too caught up in our work and college and it was hard to spend time together. Him working night shift and me leaving as soon as he got home, and him being back at work as soon as my class and work were done for the day was taking a great toll on our relationship. After the diagnosis, we both realized how much we really meant to each other and how much love we had together. We are as close now as we were in the begining of our relationship. I give the credit to herpes for this as weird as it sounds. I feel like a careless teenager again, that wants only to be loved and that’s all I get. We started having sex again this past week and it has never been better, I was very nervous the first time since we hadn’t had sex in about a month, but saying I love you and how much you mean to me is just not enough sometimes, we needed to express our love to each other in an act not words. I had been afraid that he would not want to have sex with me as we are both germiphobes, but he said that I was not gross in any way, and that there was no way he would be able to keep his hands off me. When we had sex the second time, he tried to give me oral sex, and don’t get me wrong I wanted him to, but it was just weird I guess, I told him he didn’t have to but he did anyway. It sounds weird, but it actually made me feel better when he did after I asked him not to, just because a part of me knew that he knew he had unintentionally gave me this “disease”. I don’t consider this a disease at all, to me it is just like getting an annoying period every month, nothing more.
I apologize for ranting, I just wanted to get my story out there. I want other people to realize that this is NOT the end of the world, it’s just a speed bump in the road. Herpes saved my relationship and made it better than it was before. I hope that my story helps someone who has been diagnosed and makes them realize that it is really not that bad.
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I went to the doctor, because I thought I had a bladder infection. I ended up being diagnosed with genital herpes. I was shocked, obviously. I literally had no clue how it could have happened to me. When I got home, I started crying, and I didn’t want to tell him right away. I texted him, while he was sitting right beside me, because I didn’t want anyone else to hear. The first thing he said was, “so?” And he hugged me. And told me how much he loved me, and how the only thing he cared about was my well-being and helping me through this. Then we went on the internet and read all about it, coming across this forumn. I have had such a hard time physically this weekend. I was crying from such a bad headache and I’ve been sleeping a lot, and feeling very nauseous. He has taken care of me this entire weekend. 
I feel so blessed.
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First off, I would like to thank everyone on this site for the helpful advise and support they have provided with all their words. You have no idea what you do for us and what you did for me. I spent many months reading as an outsider and it was until last night I finally took the next step.
I’m 26 yrs old and will have been diagnosed with genital HSV1 this March for 1 year. I’ve had pretty much every thought, feeling, and emotion most people have felt in their first year of dealing with herpes. I was at the point of acceptance of being alone and not really interested in dating anyone. Except 3 weeks ago, I met a really great guy.
Last night was the night I told myself I was going to “give” him the talk. We have been dating almost 3 wks. and I knew I needed to tell him sooner then later since I could tell he was really into me…and I was really into him. I practiced this speech for months and I thought I was ready to do it ‘live’.
We watched a movie at my place, and once it was over, we started talking about past relationships and stuff that had affected our lives in the past. I thought this would be the best time to introduce the topic (believe there will be no “perfect” time…but fit it in somewhere!). I told him I appreciated how honest he’s been with me up to this point, and I needed to be honest with him as well about something. At first I felt my mind racing ahead of my mouth but I slowed down, said what I wanted and just laid down the facts.
He smiled, said ‘ok’, and chuckled. I looked at him puzzled with a smile on my face and asked “What’s so funny? That took a lot for me to do!”. He said he was afraid I was going to tell him I was seeing someone else or that I didn’t want to see him anymore.
He told me he didn’t know much about it and we talked some more. He also told me that he knows it took a lot for me to tell him, and that it showed him that I obviously liked him to share such a personal thing, which he thought was wonderful. He didn’t seem concerned in the least and told me he really liked me and knew that this just ‘felt right’.
Despite of what happens with this new guy, I’m proud of myself for sharing and having my very 1st “talk” after months of thinking I was going to be a hermit for the rest of my life. It’s pretty amazing there are kind people still out in the world who really look beyond a lot of things and right into who you are. They do exist. 
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i have H, my bf does not. we have a very healthy sex life.
u definatly will find someone that loves u enough for it not to matter.
herpes does not define who u are. its just one thing you have. there are worst traits people have than Herpes…
with herpes u feel so low about yourself in the beginning you feel worthless. But to move on u have to face up to it and love yourself….
people with herpes are not, not aloud to have sex or “as much sex” as someone without it. Its the precautions you take and the honesty you have that counts!
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I was of the generation that was told herpes was only contagious during an outbreak. So I had several sexual partners (some with condoms and some without) and never gave it to any of them. I met my husband in the early 1990′s, we have never used condoms and he has never had any sign of having herpes. Before I knew what viral shedding was and realized that was what the tingling feeling I was having was, we did have sex many times during this period. The only time we abstained was if I actually had an outbreak. So yes, it is possible to have a long term relationship with out passing this on to your partner.
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I had H the day we were leaving for vacation. Unbeknownst to me, he was going to propose on the vacation. He still did. He was never phased by it. He told me he was in this for forever so if he got it too, well we’d just have it together. However, he has never contracted it, to the best of our knowledge. I have a minor ob during my period and we normally abstain then anyways, so it works ok for us. We never use condoms.
We have a 9 month old and while I worried about the delivery, everything was fine. I had an ob at 36wks and started taking Famvir to supress. It worked and I was given the ok for a vaginal (which didn’t work for other reasons not related to H.).
I was worrid that H would affect my life, with the exception of the discomfort each month, it really hasn’t.
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I am such a person, in a great relationship for 12 years (got in it after finding out about h), and until about a year or two before I started coming to this board, I didn’t think about it too much. I think that is the best way to deal with it. But I started having more frequent outbreaks and so started to look for info (found garlic oil! /thank you, SophiaM!) I don’t have too much time right now, but if you want to read about me and my soulmate, who has never gotten h, look back to “does my gf have herpes?”, last post 9-13-03, and scroll down to the 3rd entry by backpacker. I also had 4 boys, 2 after my primary ob, and have never felt that h has affected my life too much.
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As are my boyfriend and I. My cocktail of supps has been doing well so far to keep me healthy and my man and I have been having actually quite a lovely sex life… in case y’all were wondering!! I find too that the more I let go of being so concerned about H all the time, i relax and am less stressed out and happier in general which probably helps have less OBs! We abstain when we need to abstain and other then that, we’ve chosen not to use condoms. He’s never showed any signs, and I knock on wood every time I write anything of that nature. He’s sweet and understanding about it all, though. He says that the risk is worth it and our relationship is going really well
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I had my first OB within a month on meeting my bf. I was so scared to tell him about because I thought he would not want to be with me. I was pleasantly surpirsed when after sobbing my way through telling him he held me, told me that he loved me and said that it changed nothing. Not only did he do that but he said that we would deal with this together and that if he got it it was okay because we were going to be together forever and he would eventually get it anyway. We have not used protection and I have been on supressive meds to control the OB’s. H has changed nothing in my relationship, our sex life is great and it’s not something I think about. We don’t let this rule our lives and it doesn’t have to rule yours. It’s just something you deal with and are aware of but it’s not the end of the world. It’s funny how you find out about so many others that have it, that you never would have suspected, after you are diagnosed. I live my life everyday thankful that I am healthy (because I am) and this is just a minor bump in the road that I deal with and live with.
You can find someone that will love you for you and see past the H.
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Okay, I feel silly. After reviewing this thread, I realize I’ve been telling people that I outlined our system for protecting my partner here–and I never did! Here it is: I don’t believe condoms protect you from herpes; I’ve read too many posts (‘way too many!) by people who got it while using one–males and females. My soulmate and I have never used condoms except for what they are intended: birth control. I also believe they often bring on ob’s due to increased friction during intercourse.
So what have we been doing for 12-13 years to protect him? First, we never ever ever ever have sex if I have any kind of symptoms, which include exhaustion, leg tingling, or an uncomfortable feeling down there–I have learned to pay lots of attention to my body. When I think we may have sex, I check myself visually or by rubbing my finger around lightly in my usual ob sites. Second, when we have sex, he washes his entire crotch with soap (actually, Neutrogena) and water, sudsing it up good, right after.
He doesn’t put pressure on me to have sex when I don’t feel like it, because then I might override my own intuition to try to please him. We watch our diet and encourage each other to get a good night’s sleep. When I do think I may be getting an ob, I tell him right away so that he doesn’t start planning sex–only to be disappointed. Instead he will plan massages or nights out or long walks or snuggles and talks.
He knows that he may end up with it. He also knows that he may end up with it (or something worse) if he ever has sex with anyone in the world. We’ve had great sex over the years, and we have a great shared life together.
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I thought I would add to this and keep it going. I was just diagnosed with Herpes I & II. I just got the news shortly after my engagement to my fiance. My finace didn’t give this to me either. I’ve had this for years, but the symptoms were mild so I didn’t know it was herpes.
I’ve been more freaked out by it than my boyfriend. He has been great about it. He hasn’t been tested yet, but he has informed me that we are sticking together whether he has herpes or not. He also said that he will not blame me if he does have it because he says he might already have gotten it from someone else. There are millions of people who don’t know they have it so he said it is possible he could be one of those people.
My boyfriend said that this virus is only as important as I make it. If I let it rule our lives then it will. If I think of it as a minor annoyance then that’s all it will be. He also informed me that if his blood test comes back negative then he doesn’t want me to constantly be worried about transmitting herpes to him. There are risk in everything we do and he is will to except the risk. His view is that while herpes isn’t fun, it doesn’t kill you or cause major health problems either.
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I’ve thought for so long that because of my herpes, no one would want to date me or be with me. This, in fact, is not true! I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and he was the first person to be okay with my having it. We were intimate, and safe, and he has not caught it. I also told my new crush, and he was even more accepting than the last. He told me that he didn’t care what I have, he cares about me and only me, for who I am. This disease does not have to control your life! It does not have to take over your relationships, and you shouldn’t let it! If the person genuinely cares about you, they’ll be okay with it and listen as to how to stay safe. I hope everyone who reads this gets inspired to tell their future partners, because spreading herpes is hopefully the last thing on all of our minds.
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I have had a lot of normal and carefree sex since getting this virus. That all it is, is a virus. I have been with many women and have never passed it along, nor have I been rejected.
What you are feeling now is normal, but the more you read about it the more you will realize how insignificant this is and you can live a normal life, including amazing sex.
Go to the “Secrets of our Success” section of the Forum and read all the good stories there and you will feel much better.
Good luck!
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I had been ‘talking’ to a guy for a few months when I found out I had GHSV-1, we weren’t dating or anything, in fact he was deployed overseas at the time and he and I knew one another from mutual friends before he joined the Army. So, I’d just write him and talk to him to help him pass the time, shortly before he was to come home on leave, I found out I had GHSV-1, I’m assuming from a guy that I slept with when I was hammered one night but honestly, I’m not sure, it could have been around forever and just decided to pop up at that time. What was terrible was once he got home and we hung out and stuff, I realized, wow, I really, really like this guy and I’m pretty sure he likes me and now I have this and have to tell him somehow before he goes back to Afghanistan for a few more months. So, I had the talk with him one night laying in bed together and it couldn’t have went better, told me he didn’t care, that he gets cold sores on his lips and that it wasn’t a big deal, didn’t change how he felt or saw me, etc.
So, we haven’t stopped dating since, it’s going on 7 months, almost 8 months that we’ve been together and I’m happy to say that a little bit after New Years Eve of this year, he asked me to marry him! I’m happily engaged to the first person I had to tell about my GHSV-1 and my soul mate and I just want others to realize that it is possible for someone to love you and care about you enough to look past something that in the grand scheme of life, really is not that big of deal.
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The first person I had sex with after my diagnoses was just over a year after I got it. I had told him about my herpes and that I didn’t really have many OBs. We started out using condoms, but after time stopped using them. We were together for about 4 years and I never passed it to him. If I was thinking I was going to have an OB we withheld, obviously I only took Acyclovir during my OBs and didn’t do any suppression meds, but I think I’m a lucky one.
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I’m dating this AMAZING guy. First guy I’ve been involved with since I contracted HSV and he loves me for who I am. When I told him I had HSV I was crying hysterically and he looked at me like I was crazy because he said I had no need to be so upset. He almost laughed at me because he thought it was so ridiculous that I thought that having HSV could change his mind about me. He is so completely supportive of me and does not let HSV stop our relationship emotionally or physically. I have never been so happy and the strange thing is that if I had never contracted HSV I never would have gotten this opportunity with such a wonderful guy. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he loves EVERY part of me. He says when I’m ready he is willing to take the plunge and have intercourse. He feels satisfied that the risks are minimal but he also feels like I am definitely worth the risk. HSV has done nothing to stop my life; in fact it has made it better. I am still doing everything I want to do. I am still active, I am eating healthy, and I am living my life. I went ahead and dated a guy who was negative and he did NOT reject me. It has been such a great experience and makes me really think about what is important.
Do not let HSV bring you down. It can be the best thing to happen to you or the worst, it just depends on your perspective. Yes it is a minor nuisance, but it is no different than when my period comes or if I get sick with bronchitis. You just deal with it and move on.
I am so happy I was able to find such an accepting boyfriend, and even the friends I have told do not treat me any differently. The people around me are so supportive. I just can’t believe how happy I am! I hope that everyone else can reach the same level someday too. I’m young and in college. I refuse to let HSV stop the many plans I have laid out before me.
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I was talking to this sweet guy when i got diagnosed. I didn’t know him well enough so i just decided to tell him. I wasn’t sure if i would ever find anyone that would accept me. I started to lose hope…..
Well we kinda forgot about it and started to date. Now we’re talking about getting married and having kids. He loves me for me and i couldn’t be happier.
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I was diagnosed with HSV1 & 2 in Mid-March after having my suspicions since December 2010. Throughout the whole ordeal I had a gf whom I loved and loved me, which made coping easier. She recently decided that she wasn’t into a long-term thing anymore and broke it off.
So I now get to enjoy attempting to date with Herpes!
I’m a really outgoing guy, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and have very few secrets. So I decided to just go for it.
I’ve taken 5 different girls out so far, had the talk with all of them.
I reference this (http://www.hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-hsv-101/) Article a lot, and if they have any doubts on the information I’m giving them I send them the link to read it over in their free time. I also tell them if they’re uncertain to go speak to a Doctor and get their opinion on the matter.
You know what? 4/5 have been totally cool with it… barely bat an eyelash after I explained the situation to them and promised to keep it quiet.
To all the guys out there like me (24, single, male) who thought your social life was shot – you’re completely wrong.
The one girl who couldn’t do it told me “I just feel like I’m playing with fire”, and I told her “You are anytime you have sex”. She was incredibly apologetic and told me she feels like a real bitch because she can’t get over her fear. I told her that it’s an irrational fear, like being afraid of a spider, or refusing to go swimming for fear of a ‘shark attack’, and that if she ever got over it that I wouldn’t have any hard feelings on the matter. We remain friends.
So there you have it. Swallow your fear, put your pride on hold, and just fucking go for it. Life goes on, don’t miss it.
Happy trails.
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I’m a female and I felt like I’d be alone cause I had herpes and would be less desirable. Found out that many guys won’t mind if you’re honest and if they like you it shouldn’t be a problem.
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Well Ive started talking to a new guy we have been talking almost 3 weeks now and we had “the talk” I was upfront and completely honest with him and gave him all the statistics and even suggested a website or two if there was any questions I couldnt answer…and well… HE WAS OK WITH IT!!!!! He said we are all human and bad things happen to good people and that when the time comes for us to have sex then we will just be careful, that he truly respects me even more for being open and totally honest with him. I guess the previous guy I was talking to that said there was no way he could be with me that its all about “self preservation” can go suck it 
haha
Im really hopeful and very excited about the possibilities between him and I. Im not getting my hopes up completely because there could just be normal every day problems between us. But this has brought a new level of hope for me that Im not going to always be alone. I do hope though him and I work out because I am sick of the whole dating game, I mean who doesnt hope the person they are interested in isnt the one?! Plus there is always that fear of rejection as a person, not to mention because I have H.
To those of you who were struggling like I was thinking there wasnt any hope in finding love, there is hope. My previous posts I sounded pretty hopeless but I honestly never gave up and there is nothing worse than giving up on yourself or giving up on love. I truly think honesty is key. To be honest with your partner. If they are the right one or at least a good person then they will respect you for your honesty and also hopefully strengthen your relationship. Good luck to you all. <3
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I wanted to share my positive story about not being rejected. After being in a long relationship w/ my ex we broke up. I have HSV2, and I thought that there would never be anybody in their right mind that would willingly want to be with me, I came to the conclusion that even though I don't want to be lonely and by myself, sexless without a companion, that would probably be my fate.
So I met this guy at a friends party, and we hit it off, give him my number, well he calls me. I figure what do I have to loose, if anything I might just gain a friend. Well we meet again hang out and he is wonderful. We see each other like everyday, start making out, you all know how it goes.......
Now I'm thinking how am I ever going to tell this guy that I have HSV2. On top of that one night we're talking about me not wanting to share cigs with men, and he has some remark joking about herpes. Great, I think, now am really nervous to tell him. But I put that comment aside.
So i have the conversation in my head over and over and over and over again, how I'm going to say it, maybe give him some paperwork, some statistics, yada yada. Well everytime I want to bring it up, i totally chicken out. I want to bring it up at a low key moment, not before we have sex, or while were making out. Well two weeks go by, finally this is going to be it. I sleep over his house, and in the morning before I leave, I tell him I have something to tell him, I apologize as it is early, but figured it was a good time to tell him, because I had to leave anyway for work, and their wouldn't be that ackward silence, or me feeling funny and then leaving just because we had the conversation.
I was so scared, I could hardly get it out, and then I said it, and right after I just broke down, and started crying. This was the first guy besides my long term ex, that I had to say this to. Telling him felt pretty much like I thought it would, horrible. He really didn't know what to say. I gave him a hug, and I left.
I get to work about an hour after our conversation, and he calls me. He tells me how he knows it was really hard for me to tell him, and he didn't want me having this burden on my shoulders all day thinking about how I might never hear from him again (which I totally figured might happen), and that he needs to think still, but he still wants to hang out that night.
Well really the rest is history, he told me he liked me enough, that he wants to get to know me, and that he doesn't want to base me off of one thing, herpes, that he thinks I am awesome, and still wants to hang out and get to know me, and if he likes me enough he will take that risk.
Well he took the risk , and we are still seeing each other, and are happy!
People, you never know, i really almost did chicken out, and thought screw my happiness. I almost let herpes define who I am, enough to almost pass up on love, joy, and companionship.
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Well just a few days ago I posted "I met a new guy!" and said I'd probably have the "talk" in a couple weeks if all went well.
All went so extremely well that I had the talk on our first "real" date! So unlike me...but I couldn't help it. What a sweetheart he is! Smart, sexy, tolerant, eccentric, funny, real, sensitive, affectionate, caring, loves music, so very comfortable to be with that I'm still pretty awed by it all.
The talk was easy as pie. I wasn't even nervous. I just came right out and said it. We talked about his risk, what we could do to try to prevent transmission to him, etc. He is negative for both, I am positive for oral HSV1 and genital HSV2...he said "That's OK. I really want to be with you. It doesn't matter." YAY!!!
We haven't been apart for 3 days now and tomorrow's our last day together with no work...this has really been the best (4 day) date I've ever had. Ever! So much fun, talking so much, listening to music all day, going to the market together and cooking fabulous food every night. Amazing sex! But the best part is...falling asleep in each other's arms.
It's like I've always said here...the right person for you won't let herpes get in the way. I get to see this live in person now and wow, am I happy! He accepted me, herpes and all; I knew if he was right for me, he would.
The thing is, I was already happy before I met him; had truly accepted having herpes and refused to let it diminish me or define me in any way. I've tried my best to help other people feel that way too, ever since my diagnosis. I think that's exactly why I attracted the person I did.
Thank you all who replied to "I met a new guy!" and for your kind words and best wishes...and thank you for allowing me to share my absolute joy with you. Wow!!!!
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Hello all, long time lurker, decided to have a go. Have had herpes for 4+ years now, and I can say it gets better with time. I like alot of you thought my life was over, but now it is more of an afterthought. When first diagnosed I would get outbreaks constantly, which I believe was caused from stressing over this. Now with time, I may get 1-2 very small outbreaks a year (last a few days). I don’t know if my immune system just started to adjust, or the fact that I do not stress out about it as much. There is always hope. Life could be worse folks.
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You can get married, have kids, anything you want. You just now have a very common, mostly harmless virus. Had you ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore? If so, you already had herpes. Do you think people who get cold sores are bad or disgusting?
You can live a normal life with this. I know because I have. I have had many great relationships with this and have never been rejected because of it. Perhaps ask your guy friend to come here and learn more about it. The more he knows the more he will see that it is mostly a very common, mostly harmless virus.
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I was only diagnosed a few months ago, but I hardly think I have HSV. My boyfriend treats me no differently, the friends I told support me, I feel good! I haven’t had any signs of a second outbreak and I don’t panic every time i have an itch or funny feeling down there (I did for awhile)
The only weird thing is when I’m with my boyfriend or friends and on the show family guy they mention something about herpes (making fun of it) or in certain movies when they bring it up, or when a random friend says something about herpes and doesn’t know i have it….it kinda makes an awkward moment, but doesnt last long.
I feel like this problem made me a better person. Less ignorant, not just regarding herpes…I was one of those people who thought STD’s only happened to people who sleep around. Well now I know. And I’m a better person for knowing.
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First, let me assure you that all those thoughts and fears going through your head at this point are normal. It’s very typical to feel that way when a person is newly diagnosed with herpes.
But, the fears are unfounded. You did nothing to “deserve” herpes. It is a virus.
And your life can go on just fine. Herpes can’t change that unless you allow it to do so.
Most of the issue with herpes is because of a stupid stigma which has been manufactured recently. It’s false. Herpes simplex is just a virus, not unlike the flu or chickenpox, that any human can get. In fact, about 80% of the adult North American population has HSV1 (usually oral) herpes, and roughly 20% probably has genital herpes. It is a very common thing. Look around you and you will probably be seeing many others who have HSV just like you.
Folks live with it successfully every day. They go to work. They go to school. They fall in love. They get married. They have kids. They live normal lives, and so can you.
I suggest you read the links on the right side of this page. They are full of very good, balanced information. Start with the Life and Love section, perhaps. But don’t stop there. Knowledge is power.
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It is 2 am where I am. I am not up late thinking about the H. I am up late tonight and many nights because I am alone. This is the Secret to our Success area and though I am starting this post with not such a successful tone please here me out. I am not alone because of the H. I am alone because someone that committed to a lifetime of trust, love, and commitment let me down. I stumbled upon this H site and I hope that I have helped people here because I have had HSV2 for thirty years. It has been such an insignificant part of my life. I have been in two monogamous relationships with this virus in those thirty years.
If you are having your first outbreak or are still very new to having this virus hitching a ride on your body, don’t despair. It is not you. It is not a part of you. It is a foreign critter that has hitched onto you, like maybe a tick.
As I think about what has been very important in my life, and what will be very important in my life, sex is near the bottom of the list. Loving my children, my family, my parents, my friends, my world, and my pets is what stands out. I was just looking at some old pictures and remembering, and the long hugs stand out to me. I lost my father several years ago from a sudden heart attack and so I learned many hours after the fact that he was gone. If he had not left suddenly and I could have been at his bedside during his final hours just holding his hand I would have traded years of sex with my wives for those final hours with him.
Your capacity to love is not lessened in any way by this virus. Your capacity to receive love is not lessened in any way by this virus. Sex is one way for people, who pair up and who love each other to express it.
So many stories on this site are from people who got this virus from people that did not love them. Participating in sex so often and with relative strangers is a big reason this mean little H critter and his dangerous cousins have been able to spread so rapidly and widely.
I will not be alone for long. I know that there are many women of character, who are filled with love, and can be trusted that are looking for men like me. Sure the physical attraction will play it’s part and sex will come into play. But first and foremost I am looking for genuine love and compatibility. And then this little H jerk will also be relegated back into the nuisance category of my life, like other body issues that you have in your life.
So give love. There is no stopping the amount of love that you can give.
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I found out about 2 months ago now. Ill tell you the first week was torture, waking up to these bumps that hurt, going to the doctors, waiting for the results. OMG waiting for the results had to be the WORST! Almost worse then actually finding out I had Type 2 orally and Genitally.
The man that is now my bf, lives up north at the other end of the country. As soon as I found out I called him. He flew down right away. Took care of me, and told me this.
"This does not change who you are. This does not make you dirty or unworthy of love. You are still the same amazing girl I have always known. I want to be with you and I don't care about the Virus, Im more worried about the distance between us."
Long story short, Im moving back up north!!! Im on Valtrax and taking lysine pills to be safe and reduce the risk of infecting him.
I still get down sometimes about the virus. Im scared of infecting him even though he accepts me and the risk. Im scared of people finding out. And then sometimes Im just angry I got this at all.
But most of the time, I dont even think about it. Because he is right. This virus does not define me. So my advice to all you newly diagnosed is this.
LIVE YOUR LIFE! Dont give this virus any more thought then you have to. It is very important for you to learn to Love yourself again after this. Also you will find some one amazing. You will not be alone forever. There are great people out there that will love you no matter what.
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I have been HSV type 2 (and type one i suspect also) for more than ten years. Getting divorced now and back on the dating scene. I have had the talk seven times and NOBODY has freaked out yet. I have been intimate with 5 out of the 7 women. Other two women choose not too because of herpes ??
Who knows, but nobody has freaked out. I'm new here but i read about ppl being so worried about it and i just wanted to say its not so bad.
Id like to talk about the fourth woman who i had the talk with. Third time we got together / date .... back at her place i thought things were going really well. So well i figured we better stop the action and have the talk right then. I tell her and her reaction was kinda nothing. So i asked her what she thought about it and if it was a big deal. She said no and do you know why ?? Because you are a nurse i imagine ? No because she has herpes too.
Wow ok cool. She was wayyyyyyyy more worried about telling me. She was scared i was going to run back to our mutual friends and tell them. Lol. We bonded very quickly because of it but she ended going back with her husbad. Oh well ... It was a great experiance sex wise and makes all the talks that i will have for the rest of my life that much easier ;0)
Might have the talk tomorrow night again too. Its just a part of me that has to happen before intimacy. It gets easier to tell every time.
I will follow up this post if i do have the talk tomorrow. I will put this here right now. Kinda a blind date thing. So far just emails and one phone call. While i was looking at her picture today i felt what i will just call the hand of God touch me on my shoulder. I felt very secure that this talk will be the easiest talk yet because she has it too. I will let you know if God was with me OR it was just a cool breeze lol.
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I wanted to share some of my happiness with you all b/c I am living proof that happiness can happen to us all.
Four years ago I met this guy and another guy who turned out to be my giver. Unfortunately I picked the guy who would eventually infect me with this life altering disease we all share. So four years of off and on, one cheating episode, two failed engagements, and the gift of herpes later we finally have called it quits. Through all of this time I have remained good friends with the guy that I didn't chose though we often lost touch. He has been a great friend, respectful of my decisions, supportive of all my endeavors, and my number one fan in everything that I do. A couple of weeks ago he reached out to me about strengthening his relationship with God and his faith. I have always reached out to him inviting him to my church where he got saved two years ago and baptized earlier this year. As always I encouraged him and we rekindled our friendship. A week ago we met and talked about finally pursuing a relationship together after 4 years of on and off courting. But before I could do it I knew I had to tell him. I knew that this situation was so different from meeting a new guy... we have always had chemistry and I knew once we decided to date it would immediately be serious because we have a strong foundation. So I said my speech starting something like "remember when I made a remark to you that I'm damaged goods" and ending with the obvious. I swear I was in a movie guys! He did lift my face, and he did wipe my tears, then he made me promise that I would never call myself damaged goods again Then he went on to assure me that he loved (yes, love) me as much as he always did, was actually in love with me and still wanted to be with me. It has been amazing. I have had only one talk with a guy I barely knew (just an experiment) and that person acted supportive and then just decided to stop calling and when I said something he blew up on me. So I was hoping this wouldn't be the case and it hasn't. We've only been together for a week but in that time we have spent a lot of time together, gone to church, and even started a journal that we write to each other back and forth. I'm kind of sad because I still live with my ex (how he wants to date me even knowing that, I dont know! he says he trusts me completely) and he is in the process of going into the armed forces, we just have no idea when... Either way I'm happy with this experience and the fact that I am accepted and still treated like a prized possession, something I thought I would never be again since this all began. There's hope guys...
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I have told 3 people that I have herpes. All 3 of them cared more about me than a stupid skin disease i contracted out of pure bad luck. They were all willing to work around it, and weren't worried about contracting it from me. They were very understanding and were happy with the fact that I was honest and up front about it.
The way i contracted herpes was through my boyfriend's (now ex boyfriend) cold sore.
None of the men I have had sex with contracted the virus.
I avoided sex during outbreaks... (i've only had 4 in 2 years) and had sex with and without condoms. (which was THEIR choices... i ALWAYS recommend the condom...)
And I just want to share how I even go about the conversation. It's something I struggled with for over a year. I've found this a more comfortable way to let someone in on a secret so scary to tell:
"so, i have something to tell you before things get too serious. It's really personal so you have to promise that you will take into consideration my feelings and not judge me. i have 'the technical term for a cold sore' " (i say 'the technical term for a cold sore' because 'herpes' is such and ugly word) and then i go into how i contracted it, how severe it is, and what i'm doing to prevent outbreaks. It also helps to know statistics and facts about the virus.
Again, I've found that being honest is the best policy. And if the person really cares about you, they're going to accept you the way you are without judging you for your stupid skin virus.
I am now with a really great guy, who adores me and herpes doesn't get in the way of that =]]
I hope that my story has helped in some way.
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So finally got up the nerves to tell the guy i've been talking to (no sex) for several months...n he could sense a long time ago that I had something i wanted to tell him and was holding back my feelings n stuff.
So I danced around it for a long time asking him questions about gettin over u past n letting things that happened in ur past effect ur future blah blah blah...so now he definitely knew i had somethin on my chest n i told him i'm not ready to talk about it. But basically it was too late, he was like i rather u tell me now because now i'm jus gonna be wondering about it. So I said that a guy i was dating 3 years ago gave me herpes and hpv...i can still have kids n the hpv is the kind that could lead to cervical cancer and a lil bit more blah blah blah. Then he said..."Ok...is that all...I don't a sh*t about that" ...I didn't even know what to say...so i told him..."Ok...well that's all a I got then" lol
I've been on this forum for 3 years n read the acceptance stories n never thought it was real and that it could really happen in my life. But it did...n I'm happy n in love n nobody can tell me nothing.
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After making out, but before sexual activity, I just stop, make eye contact, and say "Hey. I have a card, and I'm just gonna lay it on the table. I have herpes. Passing it on to you is not very likely because I'm on medication for it and we would use a condom." I also have a few statistics about transmission rates memorized in case they have questions.
If we're having a discussion about it and not just a quick by-the-by, I also like to mention that 20-25% of the population has it as well, so they may have already been with someone who has herpes.
It really helped me to practice in the mirror before actually telling someone. If it's not a big deal to you, it won't seem so bad to them. Everyone so far has appreciated my honesty about the issue, and no one has rejected me for it.
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I thought I'd share my positive experience since reading others happy stories really helped me when I first joined this site. I've had genital HSV-1 for over 4 years now - contracted it from my ex boyfriend who broke up with me about 7 months ago. My ex and I were together for about 4 years, and the whole time we were dating I never had to really deal with the fact that I had herpes because he had it too. It was almost as if I didn't even have it. When we broke up and I started dating again I had to accept the fact that anyone I anticipated being intimate with I'd have to tell them about my condition.
I got semi serious with two guys within the first 5 months of my newly single life - serious enough to have "the talk" with them. The first two guys I told backed away pretty quickly. I'm still friends with one of the two but the other literally stopped talking to me all together.
About 3 months ago I started dating one of my really good guy friends from college. We had always been flirty in college but since I had a boyfriend at the time nothing ever escalated into anything. After about 2 months of us hanging out the whole "I want to take things slow" excuse just wasn't working anymore. He thought I was holding back because I was still in love with my ex, which most certainly was not the case. Finally I got the nerve to tell him and he couldn't have had a better reaction. His exact words were "if you think that's going to keep me from wanting to have sex with you you're crazy." And then we sealed the deal - and it was AMAZING. We had a few talks about it after the initial conversation, but it really didn't faze him that much at all. I think the reason why it was different with him than with the first two guys I told is because we had such a solid friendship before we started dating. I knew he was the type of guy who would be accepting. We're still dating and I couldn't be happier. He's actually coming with me this weekend to my best friends wedding.
Hopefully this story will help some of you out there realize that life isn't over just because you have herpes. You will find someone to accept you - and it will be wonderful. Never give up!
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I was involved with a girl for 9 years. During the 5th or 6th year we broke up briefly. My now ex g/f slept with someone and contracted H. We got back together and she passed it along to me. I just left her finally 10 months ago. I stayed single for 4 or 5 months then I met the most amazing girl ever. I held out on telling her for a few months. I then told her which was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. She was very accepting of me and my issue. We are still together and are very happy. She told me that she wants to be mine forever and she doesnt care if she gets it or not. I am very safe with sex with her. I dont wish to intentionally give it to her. I love her for being so understanding. Too bad more people in the world arent the same way. I rarely get OB's so I kinda forget I have it most of the time. I dont let it run my life.
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I told him last night. I was shaking; crying- told him how I contracted it and about how my ex boyfriend was abusive. Told him I loved him and explained I could protect him from getting this and how low the transmission rates were. He was so calm and collected- and just said 'I understand' then he started crying and saying how much he loved me and he didn't care. And how he thought I was going to say something so much worse- that he thought I was going to say I didn't want to see him anymore. He said it doesn't matter to him and it doesn't make me dirty or anything like that. Then he went and got tissues and wiped all my tears away...
Feels so surreal. He just said I don't deserve this and we'll get through it. I should have told him so much sooner. It really is true that if the person loves you they won't care.
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Hello, I just wanted to explain my first situation telling a guy I have herpes. I've been diagnoised a little over a month ago. I was seeing a guy at the time and he was really supportive and blamed himself. We are still not officially together so we are able to date others. He's gone now for a month on vacation and will return.
But in the meantime I started going on dates with other guys. One guy in particular was lots of fun and we had a great time together. We started hanging out a lot and well I started liking him and he him started liking me. There was just one problem- if things get serious, will he accept me?
Anyway, one night after hanging at the bar, I got a bit of courage and I told him, teary eyed, about my situation. his response was classic "Everyone seems to have that stupid skin rash nowadays. I don't, but if things get serious between us, I wouldn't care." I was so happy. Such a positive experience.
As time went on I think we are better friends than anything and things feel better between my giver and I. But it was nice to know that even before you are in a relationship and in "the get to know you stage" people will listen to you and will be happy you told them and will still like you because they realize how little it means about you as a person.
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You know not every person you run into is going to think bad of you. I actually got hsv2 from my boyfriend who didn't know he had it. Its a matter of finding the right person. The person who will accept you and all your issues that come with the package. Even if I had known that my boyfriend had herpes before we got together, I would still have been with him! Its always a matter of love! You'll find that love conquers all.
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It sounds like people in here need the power of some positive thought! I got hsv from my now ex bf, who was the first guy I ever slept with (I did not know he had it and he claims he did not know either). I broke up with him for many reasons, but none of which had to do with hsv. I do not regret spending a year of my life with him or for getting with him in the first place. I think there is a reason for everything. I am still the same smart, funny, devoted and kind person I was before the hsv and I will continue to be.
A guy could reject me for not being tall enough or for any other reason dumb reason, which basically means it is his loss, so why not throw hsv into the mix too? If someone can't deal with that, then there are many, many more things about me that are far more complex and difficult to deal with that would send him running for the hills, so you know what... let him run! I would rather be by myself and wait for the right person than have someone who can't appreciate me for the person I am, even though I come with a little present.
So put yourself out there and let the cards fall how they are meant to. If you get rejected fine, let them find someone who is hsv free. Some people just don't relaize nobody is perfect, no situation is ideal and while you can find someone who does not have hsv, they will have some other imperfection that is something you have to overlook or learn to accept... it's just a matter of picking your poison!
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I have been so stressed out, crying and scared to tell my Fiance that I have herpes. Out of fear of how he would react to the news. I could not hold it in any longer. I came home and started crying and I told him. He said... " I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or something" Well, I guess I don't know him as well as I thought he did. He says he loves me and there are worse things that could happen. He will get tested when he sees his Dr. I am relieved, but still upset that this has happened in our lives. Embarrassed and angry. With the love of my life supporting me and working through it I know that I will be OK.
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I too had the same reaction from a boyfriend, it is amazing. You expect to be rejected and you hear, it's no big deal... it is great! Congratulations
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Hey, so happy to hear that! I, too, told my serious boyfriend of 3 years, not knowing how he would react. Surprisingly, he said the same thing:
- Jeez, you scared me to death, I thought you had cancer or something.
- HERPES! I have herpes!
- So? That's ok!
- That's the worst thing!!!
- You are crazy.
He was sweet, got me flowers the next day, even said he doesn't care if he gets it because he just wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Of course, I don't want him to get it if he doesn't have to, and I'm still trying to figure out how to start having sex again, so if you have any updates on your life, keep me posted!
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I remember the first night my boyfriend told me he had herpes. I looked him in the eye's and told him, "I don't care". I still love him to this day even though it was only 9 months ago.
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When i was diagnosed with HSV1 on my genitals a little over a year ago, I thought that my love life was doomed. I honestly thought that there was no possible way that anyone could ever love me and the thought of actually having to tell someone scared the crap out of me. I started talking to Jared 7 months ago. I've known him since middle school, but we didn't stay friends. He lives a few states away so all we ever did was text and talk on the phone. We had an immediate connection and before i knew it he was in my town to see me. We weren't dating yet, however, we were well on our way. Fighting back the urge to have a sexual connection when he was in my bed was extremely hard. I knew that i could never have sex with a man ever without telling him about my herpes first. I wish i had had the choice of getting herpes or not so i'm not willing to deprive someone of their choice. We had an amazing, g-rated week and next thing i knew he was flying me down to see him. By the time i flew to see him, we were officially dating. I was crazy about him and scared at the same time. It's not easy to have the burden of knowing you're going to have to tell someone you really care about that you have herpes. The last night i was with him, he tried to have sex with me. I told him i couldn't and that was that. A couple days later he asked me why i did that, fearing there was something wrong with him. I knew at that point that it was time to tell him. I wrote him a nice, honest and long email explaining that i really care about him and i told him about my herpes. I didn't know what to expect and it was very hard on me emotionally to be able to tell someone my secret. He called me minutes later and told me he read my e-mail and that he doesn't care. He said that he likes me for me and me having herpes doesn't change how he feels about me at all. What a relief!! I half expected to never hear from him again.
I wanted to write this blog, because when i was diagnosed with herpes i went on a rampage searching for forums of people with success stories about finding love despite herpes. I had to know that it was possible to be loved with this virus. After having herpes for a little over a year and meeting an amazing guy who doesn't care what i have, i now know first hand that herpes doesn't control me. It doesn't control anyone and you shouldn't let it.
I hope at least one person can read this a get a little piece of mind. I know it's hard to picture yourself being happy with herpes, but it is possible!
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After being in a 5 year relationship I stayed single for quite some time. I did not go looking for a new partner. But a girl I worked with seemed interested. I was actually quite apprehensive because I did not want to get my heart broken.... of course. I told her that I wanted nothing to do with it unless it was for forever, and she was ok with that. 3 or 4 months later I had an outbreak and was diagnosed with genital herpes. I was horribly devastated. It was a HUGE deal to me because I felt tainted or like damaged goods. The most amazing thing happened. She acted as if it was no big deal at all. We avoid contact during an outbreak and she has not been infected....as far as we know. We have been married for 2 1/2 years now and our baby boy is going to be 1 next month. So, I'm not sure if I was just one of the lucky ones or why this worked out as well as it did. (I'm sure having such an amazing wife had something to do with it) I expected a much different reaction.
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I am HSV 1 (most likely genital) + and I am with a HSV- man and we have a completely normal sex life! Lots of cuddeling, lying naked together, touching....nothing has changed for me sex wise except 1) I take Valtrex and lysine every day and 2) I tell my potential partner about HSV and the risks associated with it before we have sex. Everything else is the same. I promise, life DOES go on as normal after herpes-including your sex life. It just takes some time to get used to it Come on by the chat room, you will find lots of supportive people there who can give you great advice!
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I found out I have ghsv-1 about 2 months ago.
I told my on again/off again boyfriend at the time (we have since completely called it quits) and we talked about it. He said he was more concerned with me than with himself, even though he could already H. All he wanted was for me to be happy.. We had sex with condoms for a while and I didn't take any medication except Lysine because acyclovir made me nauseous.. He knew about this and eventually we had unprotected sex. I was nervous about it because I obviously didn't want him to get this too, but I trusted that he understood the risks involved and he was capable of making his own decisions.
And actually, I went on a date with someone else last night. Nothing happened, but he was texting me when I got home and I told him about H (a lot earlier than I planned on).. He asked a couple of questions and then he said it didn't change a thing. He said "Trust me. Something so small would never make me change my mind about you."... So even people you barely know can surprise you. You just have to find the right person.
The important thing to remember is that they are mature enough to make their own decisions. Just make sure you educate them and answer their questions, and don't wait until the heat of the moment to tell them. Timing is everything.. I know I'll worry about my new partner catching it too, but I'll take my medication. I'll be fine as long as I know he understands and is OK with this (Which he is!).
Good luck!
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I was diagnosed a year ago this month (Aug 2010). I cried daily and was depressed for months. Now in Aug 2011, I couldn't be happier. I met someone in February (six months ago). We actually started talking on the phone in Dec before we met in Feb. He was the first person I dated after learning about my HSV. I was too devastated and scared and depressed to date. I wasn't expecting the date to turn into anything...I was just thinking I'd get out of the house and try to be normal for at least one night, but we hit it off perfectly. A few dates later, our conversation got serious, and I felt like I needed to tell him. I got extremely nervous and just told him I had something I needed him to know. I was so afraid he'd run, be grossed out, mad, etc. I babbled for a while nervously before I finally got it out of my mouth. His response? "That's it? That's the big thing you needed me to know? Sweetheart, I'm interested in YOU. This doesn't change anything about us." He asked a couple of questions about the outbreaks and how long I had dealt with it. Then he said, "We'll deal with it together."
Six months have passed and we are totally in love with each other. I had my very first outbreak this week since I met him. He was so supportive. I cried and apologized for being "damaged goods" (in kind of a joking, yet not joking way) and he laughed. He said he was damaged goods! (Everyone has SOME imperfection, though I haven't really figured out what his is other than he's OCD about following the arrows painted on the ground in the Sam's Club gas line. I like to drive in whichever way I feel like, and it makes him crazy! He says "without rules, there is chaos!"....so I now drive the direction of the arrows to make him happy! LOL) He told me he loves me, he doesn't care about that, and to stop crying and being upset...he knows that stresses will make it worse. He wiped my tears and smiled and said, "Man up, Nancy! If you keep crying, you'll be a wreck all day!" (because he knows me so well...if I ever start crying I AM a mess for the whole day!) And understand, this wasn't an insensitive "Man up, Nancy" comment...it was him being funny (my name isn't even Nancy) and him reassuring me that it makes no difference in our relationship.
Before this happened to me, I would have run away from someone that told me they had it. Obviously, no one gave me the opportunity to run. I am so thankful to have found someone DIFFERENT from me! I was falling for this guy before I told him, and I would have been heart-broken if he'd been like me (run away from the HSV person). Now I love him even more for loving me for who I am...the good, the bad, and the ugly.
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I have been with my current partner for 14 years and we do not use condoms at all. My partner is well informed and has made his own choice not to worry too much about contracting H.
As far as we know he has not caught it but he may just be asymptomatic. I know it is difficult when you are not in a serious relationship but hopefully one day you will also meet someone who sees beyond the virus.
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A couple of months ago, I married the man who gave me herpes. I've actually never really been upset at him for this. He didn't know he had it until it was too late, and truly, truly regretted it. In a way, it kind of brought us closer together. We've dealt with some hard times together, and every time, it strengthens our bond. We're both living with GHSV-1, and it plays an incredibly small part in our life. After reading so much about it, it seems like such an insignificant thing to be dealing with. I wish every high school taught its students how common this is so that those who are uninfected could be less intimidated by it. In my experience, it's seriously no worse than the common cold. Maybe even less of a problem than that. Something that used to feel so scary to have has dissolved into nothing more than a minor inconvenience.
Just wanted to share!
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So my ex fiance and I have started to rekindle things and are moving back in together. Well...I know "the talk" had to come. I was dreading it!! I was so surprised at how well he understood and he did not make a big deal of it. He just asked how we can be safe. It was such a good feeling to have that kind of response. I felt like a mutant before....and know I couldn't be happier. Surprisingly people are pretty understanding !
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The more comfortable you are with this the more likely they will accept. And definitely make sure you know as much as you can about this virus because they will have questions.
However, you really don't have to wait and get to know someone very well before you give the talk. I have given it many times and never have been rejected. I wait until it looks like the relationship is going to be physical, and that has sometimes been on the first date. I just casually ask them if they have ever had a cold sore. No one thinks cold sores are bad things and chances are they have had one. Then I say I get cold sores but not on my face. I make sure they know what causes cold sores and tell them if they do not.
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So I just had my very first talk with my first girlfriend since I broke up with the ex who infected me with GSV2. We've been seeing each other for about a month and for about two weeks of that time I was agonizing over working up the courage to have the talk with her.
I showed up at her place with two beers and said there was something we needed to have a drink over and talk about. Throughout the whole thing, I just stayed calm and confident and tried to explain everything to her in the clearest way I could. I was completely honest about how embarrassed I was to have to talk to her about it and how it was a worry of mine that she'd think less of me as a person. I said I felt like I wanted to apologize to her, but that there really wasn't anything I had to apologize for, that it was something that just happened.
I knew she was an understanding person and cared a lot about me, but I thought for sure she would still be a little shocked and skeeved out by the whole thing at best, and totally freaked out at worst.
Absolutely wrong! She couldn't have been more understanding and compassionate about it. She thanked me profusely for telling her, and said she couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for me to bring that up, that she completely respects me for having done that, and that the only way she'd think less of me as a person would be if I didn't tell her. To cap it all off, she said "does this mean we get to have sex now?! I want to now even more than I did before"!
To her credit, she really is an amazingly understanding person, but I think a huge part of the success of the whole ordeal was that I was as calm and confident as possible and totally open about how I felt about the whole thing. I know not every situation is the same, but as someone who had been agonizing about doing this for the first time, my hope is that this brings a little hope to anyone in the same situation. Life goes on! Love goes on!
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Hi everyone. Thought I'd share a positive experience with you all.
I was diagnosed with genital HSV1 early October. Pretty devastating and I'm still coming to terms with it. I've been hanging out with a guy for the past month. Someone I never would have expected to start a romance with. We have kissed and cuddled and hung out but beyond that we haven't done anything else because i have been having a fairly constant out break that is just finally clearing up, and I knew that I had to tell him before sleeping with him.
Anyway, yesterday we were cuddling and making out, and i said: " I'm really glad you're willing to take things slow with me." he said it's no problem, kind of adds to the excitement to wait etc etc. And I was like "hah, I GUESS", he then was like "why? What's up?"
Long story short: I told him about my H and guess what? Doesn't change a thing. He told me last night that he likes me even more and that he doesn't mind waiting as long as it takes til I'm ready to get intimate.
I'm going to the doctor this week so they can have a look and see if there's anything I can't see, ask their opinion, then if I'm all clear, I'm getting some, cuz it's been wayyyy too long for me haha!
Anyway, hope my positive telling a partner experience gives people hope. He's not a boyfriend and has no obligations to me aside from liking me a lot, so this is proof that just because you have herpes does NOT mean people are going to run for the hills when they find out.
Cheers!
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I met a boy a few weeks ago and I straight up told him about the possibility of me having herpes. He still talks to me and our relationship has been growing just like anyone else’s would have. Don’t be shy, give him all the facts, and if they’re worth it, they’ll stay. There are plenty of ways to avoid giving herpes to your partner. Stay calm and stay safe.
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My dad's first wife had herpes. He didn’t divorce her because she had herpes, he divorced her because she never told him until after they were married. at that point he had already caught herpes. years later he met my mother and he was upfront about it ON THE FIRST DATE! she loved him anyway. so will find love and if you don’t find love then find me because i will love you.
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My ex boyfriend cheated on me and gave me herpes. I was afraid that I would NEVER be loved or want to be touched by anyone again. I told my current boyfriend that I had herpes — he asked me to be his girlfriend 30 minutes later. If they truly care about you, it won’t matter. There are ways around it and I promise you… you ARE LOVED.
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Everybody has herpes. It’s a virus, it doesn’t mean anything about your morals. In any case, nobody but your sexual partners have to know. And chances are good that they too have it, even if they don’t know.
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I have herpes and am now engaged and pregnant with our second child. He still doesn't have it and he loves me enough to not care and was open-minded enough to get there since I was honest from before the first time we had sex.
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Just wanted to share my experience. I've been positive 1 year.
Of course I was devastated off the bat. Three months in, I met a friends friend while out for supper. We were making out, I wasn't pushing things at all, as I was still kinda discouraged. She came home I told her I had it. She said "You're not having an outbreak right now, are you?". I said no and that was that! We dated for several months and I broke it off. Still good friends. She was 31, I'm 30. She even wanted to do it without a condom often! Still thought it would be too much for younger girls though...
Here I am, a year later, and I've been with 6 more girls, none of which had ANY problem with it whatsoever. And at the moment, I'm dating a gorgeous 19 yr old who wants to have sex all the time! I swear it has been a benefit, I've had more sex this year with it than I ever had before!!!
Only one girl didn't want to sleep together 'cause of it, and she was the most promiscuous of all them! Didn't bother me, it would only have been a hook up for fun, not a relationship, and we've slept together before.
Hope this makes ppl feel better and have more confidence when dealing with this. It sucks to think how many ppl - myself included for a while - don't put themselves out there for the fear of rejection. I literally wouldn't have believed how insignificant of an issue it has been if you told me a year ago.
Woohoo!!!
If I could give any advice, it is don't be scared or nervous when telling people. I'm fairly open about it, and I think that comes through when I talk about it.
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i was diagnosed a year ago and this site helped me so much, i just wanted to return the favor with a success story...
i got h from my ex-boyfriend after being with him for 3 years. i thought maybe we should break up because of other issues (marriage/kids), but i was so nervous of being single with h. anyway, one day i got the nerve and split up with him, and 3 months later i found myself in a position to sleep with someone i had a big crush on. we hung out (and made out and pawed at each other) for about 10 days before i decided the talk was imminent.
i practiced the talk in my head; i wanted to be direct, confident, and positive. i texted him that i wanted to talk in-person about something and invited him over to my apartment on a sunday afternoon. (i didn't say what it was, nor did i indicate it was something "bad," because if i were him, i'd get all riled up.) he came over and we chatted for a while about random things and then i said "listen, i wanted to talk to you about something. once upon a time, in a land far, far away, my ex-boyfriend gave me herpes."
this guy is negative, but he reacted so calmly, he said "just so you know, i'm not freaking out!" i explained the ways to prevent transmission and told him that even in my last relationship, during most of which we weren't using condoms or pills (my ex lied to me about taking the pills), it still took 3 years for me to get it. i also mentioned that anyone who has h will confirm that the stigma is far worse than the actual thing. it's not like those pictures you see in 10th grade health class!
anyway, we moved on and started watching a movie, and clearly the talk didn't prevent him from putting the moves on me, and the moves were smokin' hot. we didn't sleep together that day, i wanted to give us some breathing room, but a few days later we had sex and it was phenomenal! shattering climax, for real. we've been hooking up regularly for over a month now and there's no pressure to make it serious.
so, here's the moral of the story: not only can you handle being single with h, you can feel confident and sexy, you can meet someone just like you always did (i met this guy through work), and perhaps you won't just survive the experience by the skin of your teeth, you could find some luscious, primal, totally obscene, scream-his-name-out kind of sex. you get the idea.
good luck everyone and thanks to all who contribute here. it really got me through my break-up. stay strong
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wonderful stories!